Burning the 'good-girl' mask to embody your God-given identity

nanahasiaaasankoma
3 days ago
3 min read

Through collective programming, women have been conditioned overtly and covertly on how to supposedly win at life. Most importantly, this 'winning' is centred around pleasing men. Don't come across as too intelligent, don't engage in activities that are viewed

as masculine, don't enjoy your own sensuality - unless it's for a man. Through media depictions of what is and isn't desirable, women become manufactured for men's existence.

Through this process, women are essentially to become NPCs (non-player characters) in their own lives. Now, don't get it twisted, I'm not saying women have no autonomy at all. However, our autonomy is complexly intertwined with collective and intimate fears of what could happen if we let go of the desire to be picked and chosen. Consequently, most women live their lives denying themselves the opportunity to truly live in accordance with their God-given identity, their authenticity.

The 'good girl' mask, a series of teachings and projections from those closest to us and those we do not know stifle feminine creativity. That time your mother told you to learn how to cook so you can be a good wife (even though you were not of marriageable age), that time your sister told you to 'let men be men', and that time you were told to stop smiling too much so professors wouldn't objectify you reminded you that there was something inherently wrong with your existence as a woman.

These are forms of covert and overt conditioning that have existence for centuries, morphing and contorting to contemporary trends so women hardly notice them. The conditioning in conjunction with the fear of 'punishment' for stepping out of line exists deeply within the psyches of women, teenagers, and even girls. Women who have dared to embody their power unapolegtically have been called witches, jezebels, and undesriable. Even when their power and actions are rooted in purity, because they threaten the patriarchy relied on to diminish our power, these women are demonized.

Traits of the 'good-girl mask'

People pleasing at the expense of your happiness, creativity, success
Watering down your hobbies, interests, passions so you don't come across as 'too much'
Forsaking your needs in interactions with men & women
Denying your right to pleasure that honours the Most High and Your spirit
Being afraid of your beauty, sensuality, and sexuality

Embodying your true essence: Esmerleda as an example of true feminine power

Esmerleda from the Hunchback of Notre Dame is a beautiful example of true feminine power that is void of the 'good-girl mask'. Esmerelda was a feminine character comfortable in her sensuality and truth. Although she was persecuted for her romani ethnicity which was associated with poverty, corruption, and magic, she was also persecuted for being a woman. Frollo, a Clergyman was sexually obsessed with Esmerleda. But, as a man who refused to face his shadows and used religion to create a facade of piety, he inevitably sought to destroy her.

This is what happens when women authentically and fearlessly embrace their power. structures reliant on her compliance shake and she inevitably becomes a mirror for those unwilling to face their innermost perversions and wickedness such as Frollo.

Burning the 'good-girl' mask: A life-long process

Burning the good-girl mask is not an overnight process. The collective and intimate conditioning that sought to break us runs deep in our psyches. From the interalised male gaze to women making life-decisions based on an imaginary husband they do not yet have, the patriarchy has been designed to function even in the absence of a man.

We must allow the shadows of that which we fear and have avoided to surface and feel them. What are they demanding of us?. The deep rooted feelings of fear, shame, scarcity, and insecurity are rarely spoken about by women. However, allowing these feelings to surface and tend to them with curiosity, acceptance, and our instinctual creativity enables us to reckon with them. When we do this, we realise that we have been living in an illusion. The world won't burn down because you chose to embody your God-given identity, however, it is forced to reckon with you.